in the sun

miracle of life

2010-07-25T15:00:00.006-04:00

i spent the last week in the newborn nursery, mostly examining healthy newborn babies for screening, and also attending some deliveries when extra hands were needed.

it was my first time witnessing birth. the "miracle of life." to be honest, its all pretty odd. I'm sure the labor process is really hard, but the actually delivery happens so quickly. In both vaginal and c-section births, it takes only a few seconds between when the head to emerges to when the whole baby pops out. And even though you know she's pregnant, I still get that feeling of "whoa! where did that baby COME from?"

you know what was the most striking to me? being there to witness a parent's first interaction with their new child. To see grown men pretend not to cry, or fumble with words because they are so overwhelmed with how much they are suddenly ready to love this child. (Mom's are usually preoccupied with other things, like breathing a sigh of relief or getting sewn back together...)

And the other was - the idea of bring a new person into existence. Like in the medical chart, there is absolutely nothing of course; and when presenting the babies, describing them as 5 hours old, or day of life (DOL) 2. And the nurses in the newborn nursery often play with the children by saying "welcome to the world!"

songs i like series, post 1

2010-06-27T23:40:00.005-04:00

what kind of music do you like? is a question i've been getting often recently. i want to answer with something that is representative of what i enjoy, but also who i am. in the end, my mind always fixates on a few songs that i really love. while i like a lot of music for the way it sounds, in the end the songs i love are for what they have to say.

so i thought i'd post periodically about songs that i love and why.

samson - by regina spektor

lyrics:

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of wonder bread and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the bible didn't mention us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came fallin' on our heads
But they're just old light, they're just old light
Your hair was long when we first met

Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful and came into my bed
Oh I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I'd done alright
And kissed me 'til the morning light, the mornin' light
And he kissed me 'til the morning light

Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
Ate a slice of wonderbread and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn't bring the columns down
Yeah we couldn't destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the bible didn't mention us, not even once

to me the song imagines that samson's and delilah's love, while broken was still true in its own way- the way he loved her, despite her lies, flaws and betrayal. even after she had cut his hair, "he told me that i'd done alright, and kissed me til the morning light."

while the higher call was for samson to leave delilah and return to God, what if he hadn't? what if he had just continued to love her? maybe he wouldn't have brought the philistine temple columns down, maybe he wouldn't have made any dent in history, biblical or otherwise. would it have been okay to simply ask to be human, rather than great?

again, to me this song is about acknowledgement. acknowledging that maybe sometimes the things that we give up to follow God or "do the right thing," are not inherently bad. While the "right" choice may be clear, it is not always easy; and certainly not always black and white.

what the what?

2010-06-26T22:00:00.004-04:00

just finished reading What is the What by Dave Eggers,

its the fictionalized biography of Valentino Achak Deng, a Sudanese refugee who was a kid when the civil war in Sudan broke out. In the preface, he writes that while "I was very young when some of the events in the book took place, and as a result we simply had to pronounce What is the What a novel. ... However it should be noted that all of the major events in the book are true." who knows how much is real and how much isn't, but certainly the heart of the story is centered in very true events.

It's taken me a few months to read with a slow draw in, but once I hit a point, I was pretty hooked. Last week I hit one passage in the book that made me fall in love with it. For these two pages, I could declare among my favorite books. Certainly its only in the context of the other 600 pages, that these pages matter. After experiencing one personal devastation after another, he speaks about trying to find trying to find comfort in God and prayer. "These authors, for whom I have great respect, still do not seem to know the doubts that one might have in the angriest corners of one's soul. Too often the tell me to answer my doubts with prayer, which seems very much like addressing one's hunger by thinking of food." There is something about the acknowledgement that as much as we try and hope to believe in God's greater good and purpose, to be comforted by wise words about the hope of resurrection after death - it is not always enough, sometimes not even close. i think it is the acknowledgement of the depth of the struggle, that speaks to the true depth of the faith.

He ends this section with this line, which I just spoke of incredible inner strength. "Achor Achor has been worried about me, but he has seen me improve. He knows I have been here before, that I have approached the precipice of self-termination and have walked away."

our nature

2010-06-13T19:20:00.003-04:00

definitions -

the basic constitution of a person, who we are at the core

one's natural instincts

your default response, what you do before you think about it.

just something i've been thinking about. what are our true natures? how much control do we have over who we are and who we become? i supposed i maintain the idea that it is the choices that we make shape our future selves. each choice, each action changes you a little.

and lastly - where is the balance between accepting/loving who you are and hoping for a better version of yourself.

please

2010-05-11T23:22:00.003-04:00

please say honestly, you won't give up on me.

and i shall believe.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYht-Fpvu4g

this random thing

2010-04-26T23:51:00.007-04:00

JP did a while ago, and for some reason I just felt like trying it.

It was one of those facebook tag other people chain things~

Rules:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search (http://www.flickr.com/).
b. Using ONLY the first page, pick an image. (i picked only the first or last image on the page)
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Mosaic Maker. Change rows to 3 and columns to 3 (http://bighugelabs.com/flickr/mosaic.php).
d. Save the image and post it on this note.

1. Pope John Paul & Mother Theresa MA14546175-0002, 2. Orange (365/340), 3. Mhhhh the sweetest candy cupcake from Crumbs., 4. Tahiti Lime, 5. When Waves Collide, 6. 082 - Mar 23 - Journaling, 7. Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation (CBCF) - Run for the Cure, 8. Seeking the truth, 9. Thoughtful Gorilla

The Questions:
1. What is your first name? Theresa
2. What is your favorite color? orange
3. What is your favorite food? chocolate - i think its the one food i have the most reoccurring cravings for.
4. Favorite drink? limeade
5. Dream vacation? hawaii
6. Favorite hobby? journaling
7. What you want to be when you grow up? i put in oncologist and got pictures of dogs/pets. so then i put in "cure cancer." haha.
8. What do you love most in life? seeking truth
9. One word to describe you? thoughtful.

school ties

2010-04-26T01:41:00.003-04:00

just randomly watched this movie today. I remember Mr. Foster always using the story for examples and illustrations in AP English. I don't know why I like this particular moment, when everyone is mad at Brendan Fraser for not telling them he was Jewish/pretending he wasn't. You lied to us! they say. His response is:

i didn't lie to you. i lied to my father. i lied to myself.

conscious consumer

2010-04-17T01:42:00.004-04:00

incomplete thoughts: there's a phrase that says you vote with your money.

it's true! where you put your money determines what businesses thrive and which don't. and in a way, buying products supports the system by which it was designed, produced, marketed. i was thinking about it, just because especially when we were in taiwan - my dad would always ask me after i bought something, where was it made?

its weird, even though I've always known this to be true, I don't think about it when I buy things. I just buy things that I like. And now that I've started trying to pay more attention, it's not easy! It's easier to buy something in order to support something (a business, or Taiwan for instance). To decide NOT to buy something is a lot harder -- I keep thinking, but i really like/want it! I supposed, I'm just not in the habit of thinking that way. But I don't think most people are; and that simply perpetuates the less than ethic business practices that allow companies to produce things faster and cheaper.

race for hope!

2010-04-16T00:45:00.003-04:00

Caught the running bug!

Some friends from the cloister at the NIH just signed for Race for Hope in DC, a 5k on May 2 to raise money for the National Brain Tumor Society!

Just wanted to put out my support/donation link to see if anyone reading this would like to donate to my run! :D

Or even sign up to run with me!!

cherry blossom 10 miler

2010-04-12T21:23:00.006-04:00

It was this weekend! 3 months of training culminated in a gorgeous day for a run, and an awesome team of cloister friends to run with. and if you're reading this, I'm sure the next thing you want to know was my time! so while training, made a remodified goal of 80 min rather than 75 like my crazy new years plan. Although, the year is not OVER yet, so there is still time for me to make that goal....

ran in 81:56, so didn't make the under 80 goal either, but my time was not bad! I'm not overly ecstatic about my time, I think I could have done better - spent most of the first 5-6 miles weaving through people since I was seeded in the last wave (didn't have a pace time entered when I signed up). Will try to avoid that for the next race... (the next race?!). Honestly kind of jealous of the guys who ran the race and made it in 78/79 min (my goal!) and didn't even train. sigh on being a girl...

but in better perspective - ran 8:12 splits, WAY faster than I ever imagined I could have run 3 months ago. and placed #855/8813 women - top 10%! :D

baptized!

2010-04-04T00:59:00.003-04:00

I got baptized this easter! Just want to thank everyone who came out to celebrate this happy day with me. Although I've been a christian for a long time now, it was still really great just to celebrate being brought alive in Christ. (thanks to DHC for the photo, 3 of us praying together after the baptism)

Here's what I wrote up for my testimony, wanted to share:

I decided I needed to believe in Jesus in 6^th grade, because I didn’t want to go to hell. I was at a kids Friday night AWANA event with my friends and the leader (this huge white man) asked – if anyone wanted to accept Jesus he would pray with them. I was too intimidated by him so I never did. I officially accepted Jesus in eighth grade; praying a prayer privately to myself. I still went to church for similar reasons – not wanting to go to hell, get advice on how to be a better person, felt like I should.

It was during college that began to better understand what Jesus was really offering. But it was not so much through the exciting experiences with God I had, but through the darker moments. As a puritan prayer states – the way down is the way up; the valley is the place of vision. I often found myself chasing approval and attention from others (I still do); it felt almost like a drug, always wanting more, more, more. The acknowledgement that I got from others that my existence mattered was nowhere near enough to quench my longing, or to quell my fear that maybe it didn’t really matter that much. When I wasn’t getting what I wanted, I sulked and eventually just gave up. I went through constant phases of just wanted to be left alone, and to sleep, or watch tv; just generally not participate in life. Life fell into an emotionally numb monotony. I can’t say that I particularly disliked it, I was just – neutral. But what did seem unbearable was the repetitive stagnancy of each day; it was all the same, life without any discernable direction, just going in purposeless circles.

I had this habit of making myself feel sad – putting myself down, dwelling in my inferiority and all the things I couldn’t stand about myself. I knew I kept doing it because it satisfied some sort of twisted longing inside me – perhaps simply just to feel ANYTHING, even if it was pain. I knew I was being self-indulgent, letting myself wallow in self-pity; but I didn’t really care.

I finally realized- this is what Jesus came to save us from. This is death; these are glimpses of hell- less fiery than what I had once imagined, but more ominous. Above all, that Jesus had conquered death meant he offered hope. Hope that good would prevail over evil. That despite the heavy burdens and multitude of my personal demons – the battle was not lost! The fight that I had long given up hope on – was no longer impossible. Because Jesus had conquered death and hell, and He was with me. He gave me the strength to pick myself up and fight and LIVE. Jesus said, together we will conquer the death in you. Suddenly, what used to not matter (why fight if you know you are going to lose?) became infinitely important – that I fight and participate in life; not only for myself, but so that I could declare to others too that the battle was not lost! As death was conquered by life, I found I needed less and less for myself – ready to give more than I sought to receive. Overflowing with joy that I couldn’t help but share. The desire to love others deeply because I knew that I was loved. Alive.

I know what it is to be dead, and I know what it is to be alive. A few weeks ago Pastor Tom said – going from being dead to alive is a supernatural event. Of course it is! I thought. Clearly the resurrection of Jesus from a dead corpse to a living person was a supernatural event, duh! But in me too. To be brought from spiritual death to the fullness of spiritual life – could only be the work of my supernatural savoir.

oh c.s. lewis

2010-03-28T23:06:00.005-04:00

recently got audiobook version of c.s. lewis's mere christianity. have always loved the book, but there is something about having it read to you in such a britishly matter of fact manner that is just soo funny. though I do have to say, after listening to him for 4 hrs straight on my drive home from Cleveland, my brain does hurt a bit--

some memorable quotes:

- on science: "Science works by experiments. It watches how things behaves. Every scientific statement in the long run, however complicated it looks, really means something like, "I pointed the telescope to such and such a part of the sky at 2:20 am on January 15th and saw so-and-so," or, "I put some of this stuff in a pot and heated it to such-and-such a temperature and it did so-and-so."

- on the old testament (very reminiscent of hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy i thought): "He (God) selected one particular people and spent several centuries hammering into their heads the sort of God that he was- that there was only one of Him and that he cared about right conduct. Those people were the Jews, and the Old Testament gives an account of the hammering process."

- on love: "Another notion we get from novels and plays is that 'falling in love' is something quite irresistible; something that just happens to one, like measles."

some insightful quips:

"It [Christianity] has just that queer twist about it that real things have."

"God is no fonder of intellectual slackers than any other slackers."

"When a man is getting better, he understands more clearly the evil that is still left in him. ... A moderately bad man knows he is not very good: a thoroughly bad man thinks he is alright."

further thoughts -

the chapter on pride hit me really really hard. i can see every part of my being drenched in pride in an incredibly self-satisfied way. that confidence so strongly relies on the sense of being higher or better than others. always judging, comparing myself. and how annoyed i get when people don't respect me or i feel like they treat me like i'm stupid. some of mr. lewis' thoughts on pride:

"the more we have it in ourselves, the more we dislike it others." he suggests, that if we want to know how proud we are, just see how much other peoples' pride annoys us.

"Pride leads to every other vice: it is the complete anti-God state of mind." he writes that "unchastity, anger, greed, drunkenness, and all that are mere fleabites in comparison." which i completely agree with, but it just makes me cringe at how big of a deal today's church makes of these "fleabites" like homosexuality when "the worst of all vices can smuggle itself into the very centre of our religious life."

on vanity and seeking other people's praise - "It is a fault, but a childlike and even (in an odd way) a humble fault. It shows that you are not yet completely contented with your own admiration. You value other people enough to want them to look at you."

and lastly: "a proud man is always looking down on things and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you." and how much will you have missed out on!

cast iron, YUM.

2010-03-15T20:41:00.005-04:00

Finally pulled out the cast iron plate Julia got me for Christmas to use. :D!!
because ... I bought pre-marinated pork bulgogi from H-mart yesterday.
aw man it was soooo good. Honestly, some of the best meat I've eaten at home before.

now thinking about the possibilities for using cast iron. high temp cooking!
I think I might need to try making steak sometime soon...

reading!

2010-03-11T22:50:00.007-05:00

as to my new years resolution to read at least one book per month (it seems like quite a meager goal, but albeit realistic), I am making some progress. On my trip to taiwan I got a chance to finally really take time to READ. I forgot how good it feels to read; to get sucked into a book and not want to put it down.

so that inspired me to go on a book buying binge the other day. I went to b&n to buy a book. i was thinking about getting up in the air (i.e. movie based on book), but after flipping through it didn't look that enticing. So i ended up wandering around and found a table of "buy 2, get 3rd free!" books. Normally I'd think - that is way too many books to buy, and I need to stop buying books. But that day, I just thought, I think I'll read them all, hopefully.... So I came home with 1100+ pages of reading. But I'm already halfway through the first book! thanks to being sick and staying home.

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Books I've read (i'll try to keep updating on books i'm reading):
The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls. this book was incredible. It was the one that I couldn't put down. I bought it b/c i saw it at costco and it looked interesting so i just picked it up. its a memoir, incredibly a true story. The writing was beautiful and the stories were engrossing, but i think the most compelling thing about the whole book was that everything was real. It chronicles Jeannette's childhood in a family where her parents never had the resources, financially or emotionally, to take care of their children; the Walls kids band together to learn to take care of themselves, finding hope and optimism in situations that did not merit any. I was amazed once again by the resilience of children (of these children in particular), and at the same time angry that you had to find out about their resilience at all.

The Gospel According to the Son by Norman Mailer. JZ gave this book to me more than a year ago, but i never got around to finishing it. It's Jesus' life told from his point of view. I think what I like most about it is that he portrays Jesus as very human- not necessarily human as in flawed, but human as in able to be hurt, able to be weak, able to feel very deeply. It was sort of confusing, to read one person's imagined account of who Jesus might have been- to try to distinguish what was real and what was not. But in the end I think, Jesus was a man; Jesus was real. And we can't think of him as an abstraction; we all end up imagining our own picture of who he might have been. I think the last few sentences really resonate with who I imagine Jesus to be: "So I think often of the hope that is hidden in the faces of the poor. Then from the depth of my sorrow wells up an immutable compassion, and I find the will to live again and rejoice."

currently reading: Little Bee by Chris Cleave. "I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived.
"In a few breaths' time I will speak some sad words to you. But you must hear them the same way we have agreed to see scars now. Sad words are just another beauty. A sad story means, this storyteller is alive. The next thing you know, something fine will happen to her, something marvelous, and then she will turn around and smile."

work

2010-02-09T10:40:00.005-05:00

so much snow work keeps getting cancelled. I've been stressed out about it b/c i have important experiments canceled but can't do them cuz the gov't keeps closing! I guess I should enjoy my time off, but getting stressed out about it instead.

i dunno why it's annoying to me when people tell me - why are you at work on a snow day?? stop working?! that i'm the only one who seems to be annoyed at the lost work week. that when i talk to people work seems to just be something you do- to get by, to make money/a living, because that's what you have to do.

and i know i'm probably an idealistic med student. but I guess being a student, that idea of going to work to put in your hours, as an obligation, as an obstacle to things you actually want to be doing with your time -- its so foreign to me. I mean, not to say that this is how i think everyone else feels about their job, but there is that aspect to it at times. While I'm doing research here at NIH, really i'm the one who benefits if I work hard, and i'm the one who pays if i don't.

what ever happened to simply believing in the intrinsic value of your work/job? I wonder what it will be like when i actually have a real job (many many years from now...)

bubble

2010-01-26T08:38:00.010-05:00

currently listening to: only you by david crowder band

i know i live in a bubble. that i've been blessed in every way possible to be living in this bubble.
but there are just moments in life that remind me life isn't all fine and dandy, butterflies and rainbows.

this week:
1) just hearing more and more on haiti. i used to hate reading the newspaper/watching the news. sometimes i still do. Just more and more stories of brokenness in the world, things like haiti, things like economic hardship, but also so much of people hurting other people. In the depths of it all its just hard to see hope.

2) this past weekend when i went to PY's for church poker night. when i walked out of the metro i'm just standing on the escalator and then the lady in front of me says "that's no good." i look up and i see a young black guy vomit up blood onto the rail of a nearby escalator. two more are handcuffed on the ground. police and sirens everywhere. i had no idea what happened, but i passed some people on the street that mentioned some gunshots? i was pretty freaked out and just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible; this is definitely not what i expected at 7pm at gallery place. this was a pretty jarring experience for me, but for someone else it's just life. during all of this, my mp3 player was playing praan, a song from the where the hell is matt video (if you haven't seen it, i'd recommend it. a guy named matt goes and dances around the world, 42 different countries. that somehow invokes a feeling of common unity in human joy, that maybe there is hope for the world.) it just felt like an ironically sad moment straight out of a movie- as if to say, we still have a very very long way to go.

chameleon

2010-01-23T00:13:00.001-05:00

i've just be realizing lately that i feel a lot like a chameleon. that i see myself tailoring my words and attitudes to whoever i'm talking to. because i think you'll agree more, laugh more, and of course like me more. but blehhh.... i really don't like it.

recent baking adventures

2010-01-22T01:01:00.022-05:00

So I've been trying my hand at baking ever since moving to DC. I think having people to bake for, who want to eat my experiments helps. haha, i.e. small group mostly :P Here's a few of the things I've made recently:

Pecan pie, of course. Made it for christmas, as part of a "gift" for my dad. I don't know what it

is about pecan pie, but its sooo good. I think i've made at least 4-5 in the past few months for multiple thanksgiving and christmas occasions. haha, i'd say i'm perfecting it, but somehow it

comes out a little bit different every time.

Lime custard tart. I don't remember why i wanted to try this. But it turned out really good. Tiffany and I made it, also during Christmas, but

for my dad's birthday (12/28). I think my mom liked it the most! because she loves tart/tangy flavors. But yes, it was really good. I would definitely make it again. Thank you epicurious!

(http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Lime-Custard-Tart-107435)

Christmas cookies! Of course we had to make them. We had a few creative ones going-- like

state of maryland, taiwan, treasure chest (or house), snake, creepy smiley face... they were all delicious. Man i ate so many cookies over christmas.... This shot features tiffany's super asian/cute happy face. yay.

some of my recent experiments for small group:

Yes this is exactly what it appears to be-- chocolate covered bacon.

It turned out... interesting, is the only word i could used to describe it. I think i overcooked the bacon; though my personal preference is for chewy rather than crispy bacon. It was sweet and salty. I'm not dying to eat it again, but it turned out a lot prettier than i thought. I'd like to give it another shot someday, tweak the recipe a little. I think it has the potential to be pretty mindblowing...

And last but not least, my most recent baking endeavor-- red velvet cake balls! (Inspired by: http://www.bakerella.com/red-velvet-cake-balls/)

So I have eaten these before. I don't remember where, or when. But I remember being with JK, and being soo surprised at how moist they were on the inside. So when I ran across this baking blog recently with the recipe so I had to try it!!

First a before pictures, the balls are neatly in a row, before being dipped in the messy chocolate!

and the finished product:

yum. (yes i did purposely take a bite just to take that picture...)

p.s. had an amazing weekend in killington over MLK weekend-- Sunday morning, there was just a breathtaking view from the peak of the mountain-- of just this ocean of clouds below us. For that moment alone, it was worth the trip. But besides that, we had a blast~ :D

me-world

2010-01-11T20:16:00.015-05:00

currently listening to: revive me by jeremy camp
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things i've lost in the past two days
one glove
a key ring with my giant bonus card, borders reward card, library card, etc.
a bible
my journal
my patience
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yesterday's sermon addressed the idea of "me-world." that somehow in our culture, in our language, our attitudes, we've come to believe that the world revolves around us. That we have come to believe that the solutions to our problems are all in the self-- self knowledge, self-esteem, self expression. It is these things that will save us.
Paul says: "For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21)
In me-world, we say: "To live is me, and to die is the worst thing that can possibly happen." (death = the end of me)

the speaker made a reference to descartes I really liked-- he said (loose paraphrase), even descartes knew: "I am not the center/creator of the universe; I am not my own god. For if I were, then I would have constructed a world which was perfect for me. But, clearly this is not true." just to say, seriously, who do we think we are? even though I may think: "i'm not dumb, I know that I'm not God"-- but I still act like I am. I still act as if I can fix all my problems on my own; I still act as if I have control over what happens; I still act as if what I want is of infinite importance. I was just struck by how easy it is to fall into "me-world," even if I'm completely aware of God. It's not something you remind yourself once a year when a nice sermon comes along. you've got to be fighting that tendency every single day.

for whatever reason, life has just been really stressful lately. and today i finally couldn't really handle it. all these little things that shouldn't have mattered, just started to get me really upset. I knew that losing a glove, losing a bible- it was not a big issue, but it was so annoying to have lost them (i'm still in denial about the journal...). then people were late; then things didn't go my way; then someone was annoyed at me. I just felt myself sinking into me-world. I knew it was happening, but I still couldn't stop it. all i can say now is, God-- once again, save me from myself.

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**addendum (1/13): link to the sermon here! (right click "save link as" to download mp3)
+ bible and journal found!!!

list for my man

2010-01-03T19:48:00.014-05:00

Today at lunch we talked about the lists we make in our head about what we want in our future spouse (among many other things...). I've generally been of the camp of, when I see it I'll know. A list isn't really gonna help or change that. I think I can pinpoint much more clearly what I don't want, rather than what I do. But someone recently told me-- I think God wants us to think about who we are, what we're looking for, who is good for us. To be an active part of our own lives, even if God is in control of the ultimate plan.

One comment came out-- that you may have a nice long list of things you're looking for when you're younger, but as you get older, that list shrinks down. that kind of statement makes me begin to wonder, does that mean the older we get, the wiser we are? Or we just learn to settle with less than we had hoped for. i dunno, I hope that as I get older my list won't shrink, it'll change : maybe we lose the specificity of our attraction and find the root of that desire, for example-- its not that he's an amazing guitarist, its that he has the initiative, the dedication, and the ear to become one. And of course, I'm still really young, and very likely just being incredibly naive. :P
-----
not sure how feel about publishing my list, but here's all i could think of for now.

i want someone who is at least or more intelligent than I. is this judgmental/superficial? i do "size people up" on how intelligent i think they are, its just something i do. not to say that I filter friends that way, but i just like to find really smart people to respect; and you respect other people for other things too. i know i'm attracted to smart people, just based on my favorite movie characters who were all too smart for their own good - donnie darko, juno, house.

i like people who put a lot of thought into what they do. that there is purpose or thought put into everything that they do and say; i.e. if you're going to do something, do it well. i must say, i especially like when men are amazing cooks. well planned out events. attention to detail. clever/witty jokes. i tend to like guys who think a lot, sometimes too much.

i've always been attracted to men who are opinionated. When I first realized that, I thought- isn't that weird, since I'm totally the total opposite? But a friend responded by saying, I don't think that's true-- you may not be as vocal about it, but you know what you think. So maybe someone who will help me find the courage to have my own voice.

i want someone who sees complexity in the world. too often, i hear people trying to simplify the world, categorize people, polarize right and wrong, wrap the world into a neat well-worded adages and straightforward answers. i want someone who will be able to stand with me and simply marvel at everything we can't possibly understand.

In some ways I feel like a little child, just asking for everything I want without much regard to much else. But a lot of these things, I can't imagine letting go of; not having in my future husband. I like what DC told me: if it's good, God will purify and give it back to you. God, you tell me what'll still stay standing.

new years resolutions

2010-01-01T18:16:00.001-05:00

1. read more books. i miss them. maybe 1/month? haha, pretty much anything will be more than i'm reading now.

2. restart my blog.

3. run 10 miles in sub 1:15.

i can't think of anymore.

happiness, v2

2009-12-19T02:07:00.008-05:00

a while ago i wrote this entry on happiness:

From an online conversation with a friend:

do you ever wonder if other people are really more happy than you?

or that they just have the same level of happiness as youand are just satisfied with it or pretend that they are?

Been trying to figure out what it means to be truly happy.

Best I've figured out is that I think I've been really truly happy a few times in my life. They've correlated to when I got (or thought I was going to get) what really wanted, you know at the core. Like there are things that make me sort of happy: attention, acknowledgment, sense of accomplishment. But I think only because they give me a taste of what it is I really want. For me I think what I really want is to be deeply known and deeply loved. But I think after talking to other people, not everyone wants the same things.

Other random questions about happiness:

What does it feel like to be just happy?

Does everyone deserve to be happy? (seems like the answer ought to be yes- but why?)

Is that the point of life? To figure out how to be happy and then pursue it?

Is it noble to pursue happiness? If not, what's the alternative?

Can one person make you happy? Or is that too much to ask/demand of someone?

Clarissa Vaughn: I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn't the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then. -The Hours

Joel: I could die right now, Clem. I'm just... happy. I've never felt that before. I'm just exactly where I want to be. -Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

-----

Recently I had another experience relating to happiness. It was one of those moments in life that was so simple yet significant. I went up to Hopkins to visit JZ and sat in on her bible study on Phlippians 4. "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." (4:12) The discussion struggled over the meaning of being content. Doesn't it seem a little paradoxical to be in want and be content and the same time? Another questions that was asked: are you content?

I answered no. I've always thought being content means that I don't have that feeling that-- "If I had this, then I would be happier." At that moment, I could think of so many things that fit that formula: for more people to pay attention/notice me, to be able to be bold and speak my mind, to impress people here at NIH/earn their respect, to lose 5 lbs. When I write it out, it sort of seems silly; but I know those feelings are very real, silly or not.

Later we talked about a recent sermon she heard on Micah 6, a passage I remember studying at retreat in ACF. It begins with God asking Israel, why have you turned away? "What have I done to you? How have I burdened you?" I have fulfilled all my promises to you, delivered you time and time again. The people respond by saying, what can we offer you now that we've screwed up? "Will the Lord be pleased with thousands of rams, with ten thousand rivers of oil?"

God says: No. All I want is for you "to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

Everything from that night all congealed for me when I was driving home-- I was just hit with such a sense of incredible happiness; I just wanted to sing and celebrate. All I could think was-- God I don't know where this is coming from, but I am so happy.

I was just overwhelmed with this sense of God's love. I think it was a combination of the David Crowder song I was listening to (How he loves us) and thinking about that Micah 6 passage. that God has been so faithful; remember the promises that he has fulifilled over and over. And has He asked much of you? No. not at all-- only that you would love justice and mercy and walk humbly with Him.

in that moment, everything else just paled in comparison. All those things that I feel would make me happier. It was like- whatever, who cares about anything else? God loves you.

I know this feeling is probably going to be fleeting. but as AK said in his testimony at church, at least I will know that it happened.

on making new friends

2009-11-02T17:56:00.005-05:00

I realized once again, I don't like trying to make new friends. Starting the whole process again since moving here and going to a new church, I feel constantly nervous and self-conscious and can't shake the need to try to impress, i.e. very insecure. It's not that I don't enjoy meeting and getting to know new people, but I just thought I would have outgrown all these feelings by now.

I was talking to a friend about it all. And he was saying how he feels like his ego often gets in the way of allowing him to get to know people. Those snap judgments you make about people when you meet them that suddenly categorizes them into people you want to get to know and people you don't. As much as I don't like to admit it, I do it all the time; I tend to size people up the moment I meet them. I know part of my nervousness/insecurity comes from imagining that other people are as judgmental as me; I'm grateful that many of my friends have proved me wrong on that point. After admitting our judgmental-ness to each other, my friend exclaims: "apparently we passed each others' filters!" haha. true. But now that we're good friends, he pointed out the incredible paradox of it all -- despite all this nonsense, somewhere along the line our friendship has acquired an unconditional quality. He basically said, whatever you do now- i'd still accept you as a friend. Somewhere along the way, those filters ceased to matter?

balance

2009-05-14T22:57:00.004-04:00

i think this commercial is pretty awesome
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubuQ_M5xpio&NR=1
just wanted to share.

article from wayne
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/08/health/08chen.html?_r=2&partner=rss&emc=rss&pagewanted=all
i always worry a lot about how i'm ever going to balance my work and personal life in the future. like i wonder if because i'm a woman who wants a family i'll have to sacrifice/compromise things career wise that will make me feel short changed. i mean i think i would be totally satisfied with not being the most successful person ever, and being a good mother instead. at heart i'm not really that much of an ambitious person. but i think i just don't like the idea of settling - like getting an easier job so that i can be a mom.

i like this too: "I don’t get quite as annoyed by the toys and dirty socks in the living room when I see my healthy children."
sometimes forget to just be really thankful.

searching

2009-05-08T23:55:00.005-04:00

I think there are some nights (yes usually nights) where I feel a striking sense of insignificance. That perhaps in the long (and maybe even short) run what I say, do, feel, am ... doesn't really matter. I think in these moments I'm constantly looking for affirmation.

I remember a time when I knew what I did mattered. When I felt like my gifts were being used for the betterment of others. When I could watch people grow in small group, think deeper about God, make challenging decisions because of the things I said. Maybe that's still happening here. I just don't know. I guess maybe sometimes I just want to know - that the efforts that I make, the things that I say really do matter. I mean sometimes I think I know - but I can always convince myself otherwise until I hear it from someone.

Somehow my solution to this feeling has always been one of avoidance - like watching TV. to lose myself in a world where i really can't make any impact at all, but somehow that doesn't matter.

!!

2009-05-05T09:31:00.002-04:00

look!
julia's album art!

2009-05-01T07:05:00.003-04:00

"the hardest thing is remembering, regardless of anything and everything, that yes, we are still and always worth something in God's eyes. that whatever it is we're searching for, we already have; we are already deeply loved."

quick update

2009-04-28T21:00:00.001-04:00

i think most people who read this blog probably already know this, but I'll be moving to washington DC for the coming year! crazy right? I received a fellowship to do research at NIH for the next year. I'll be leaving in a dorm like place with 42 other scholars (including 4 other people from my med school). Subject of research is tba, but it is pretty exciting. Tiffany is gonna be there with me!

But i've definitely decided that once boards (june 17) i'm gonna start blogging again. writing is something that i've missed a lot. So check back for regular updates, instead of just pictures.

As for pictures, i decided to start a flickr photostream, so you can check out my photos there:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/trese63/
i read somewhere that you're supposed to try to be selective with the photos that you share with the public, so i think i'll try that out.

DC!

2009-03-06T11:10:00.005-05:00

For spring break, I thought I'd go and visit some friends on the east coast. So far, I've been hanging out with Jenny. On Wednesday she skipped class and we to the nation's capital.
First we met up for lunch with my friend Tina in baltimore - she's at Peabody conservatory studying piano. The picture is terribly back lit, but oh well...

After that, Jenny and I headed down to D.C. we went to the national mall and visited some of the Smithsonian museums. Too bad they close so early.

We went to the Natural History museum. Jenny particularly liked this little mouse, it's a Dzhungarian hamster. so tiny and cute!

There was also a special orchid exhibit that was there, it was just like a jungle of orchids everywhere! It reminded me of the movie Adaptation and the ghost orchid - i kept looking for it, even though I'm not sure if it's actually real.

They also had an exhibit where they show winners of the annual National Geographic photography contests. The photos were really amazing. I really liked this one:

After the museums, we walked around the mall for a bit - I wanted to go to the new WWII memorial, I remember it being really pretty - but it was so far away! and cold. We walked to the Washington monument, and then decided to head out.

We were looking for a coffeeshop to do some homework in before dinner. And for some reason early that day we had been talking about the frozen yogurt (the type from pinkberrry and the like, and how Jenny said it's really good and she always can't wait to have it when she goes back to chicago or boston. And then we passed by a yogurt shop! So we went in and got some. Delicious :D
For dinner, we went to a really good Middle Eastern restaurant called Mama Ayesha's that Heng recommended. At first when Jenny and I passed by around 6 it looked kind of empty, and it was sort of by itself. But when we got there for dinner - it was bustling and filled with people. Josh Park and Mike Wu were able to join us after a long day at work for both of them! We had a good time hanging out with each other.

That night we had the wrong train schedule and we missed the last train back to balitmore on the MARC. Luckily during dinner Josh had already offered to let us stay at his hotel with him. He had already requested two beds in his room just in case, so we came over and hung out, watched some family guy and it was a good close to our DC adventure.
Heading out to Boston today! The weather's supposed to be gorgeous this weekend, a good way to close out spring break~

Lent

2009-02-24T23:32:00.003-05:00

I've never done Lent before, but I think it might like to try it out this year.
I decided to give up dessert (specifically chocolate)
and watching TV/movies/videos by myself.
I'm writing here partially so who ever does read this, i'll feel more accountable to.
I think these are some of my non-productive stress relievers. like they help me relieve stress, but aren't that healthy or don't really get me anywhere. Like watching TV is a good way to run away from problems! I'm hoping the result will be that I take that time/energy to lean on God, or at least just spend time with Him (hopefully also via my journal).

Food!

2009-01-19T16:19:00.005-05:00

We cooked and everything was so delicious! Julia, Joyce and I all decided try some new recipes and they all turned out delicious!
Joyce with all the food:

Chinese beef stew w/ star anise

Radish cake (Luo-bo gao)

Beef w/ chinese BBQ sauce (Sa-cha niu)

Baked Maple Salmon w/ pecan crust

And cookies!! (Chocolate chip oatmeal pecan) mmm...

YUM!

v for vendetta

2009-01-18T01:04:00.003-05:00

We watched V for Vendetta in movie club today and it just got me thinking about some of the things I learned about the Taiwanese government nowadays. When we went back, it was all people were talking about - that, and the economy. A new president took office in May, and there was sort of a flip where a different party (KMT) took control of office. And whether or not I agree with the KMT's political stance, there seems to have been a gradual but disturbing loss of freedom/liberty since this new government took office. There were a lot of things that I didn't understand; I had a hard time understanding the news, my Chinese is still not that great yet.
The movie raises the question - if your government starts to falter, if your freedoms start to slip - are you willing to stand up and fight against that (even in the face of fear of disaster)? And an underlying question, which I don't think the movie addresses - is how hard do the people need to fight for the government to listen?

Things I learned when I was in Taiwan -
- In Taiwan, most of the media is controlled or monitored by the government. Only one newspaper is privately owned - and it was able to be started because an incredibly rich man funded it and lost money for a long time, but was willing to pay.
- There are only one or two TV stations that are not monitored/censored by the government. When we were there, on the news, there was a large protest because the public educational channel (that is largely funded by the government) was being threatened to be shut down - either they allow the government to screen and censor all their programs, or else the government would shut down their funding.
- A friend of my parents works to collect historical Taiwanese items and had made a mini museum displaying the items, many of them are significant to historical events in Taiwan that many Taiwanese people don't even know about, because they never learned about them in school. They have kept the place hidden, because they are afraid the items will be confiscated if the government finds out.
- When a Chinese official in charge of Taiwan-China relations came to visit the island, people were forcibly forbidden to display the Taiwanese flag. in order to please China? This comment from a blog echos many sentiments I heard: "There are no other ethnic groups on earth would discriminate against themselves besides Taiwanese. Shame on you, my fellow Taiwanese!!"
- I've heard rumors about the political party in control/executive branch of government starting to take control of the judicial court as well.
- The previous Taiwanese president was arrested and handcuffed at 2am from his home. for suspected charges of corruption. About to go on trial soon. Many other officials who had connections with the former president have also been detained for questioning.
- Taiwan had been previously rated as one of the most "free" countries by Freedom House (an international human rights org). Holding clean and peaceful elections, and a high level of politcal freedoms and civil liberties. But it has been flagged by this organization for monitoring because of recent events.

“The latest events appear to signal a disturbing erosion of civil liberties and human rights in Taiwan.”
— from a letter signed by 14 members of the US Congress to President Bush

What can you do? It makes me scared and sad at the same time. Yet I feel as if the people are so powerless. So many people are in an uproar. Yet the government seems to still march on, unhindered because their political party holds the power/control now. The only power that the people have is by the way of the media (gradually becoming more controlled by the government) and through freedom of speech/assembly (being met by more and more police brutality). My dad says that if things keep continuing on they way they are, there's going to be a big riot. But it is true, that many people still remain complacent. That on many issues the Taiwanese are still letting things happen to them (I saw a news report about a gas leak in Gao-Xiong that was making people sick. The gas leak was right near an elementary/middle school. They knew people were getting sick, but kids were still going to school anyway; they only stayed home if they were already sick. And it took them weeks to try to track down the source. why???)
So the only thing I can do is become informed. And remind myself of how thankful I am to be living in a country where we do have a lot of freedoms. In a society that holds those freedoms as our human God given rights, and that I faith will stand up and hold the government accountable if those freedoms start to falter.

More on Taiwan

2008-12-29T01:05:00.006-05:00

Some of the food we ate while we were at Ali-san: apparently the cabbage grown on the mountain is quite famous, and it really is delicous! They also served us these bamboo sticks. At first when they came, me and my sister didn't know what they were for--

They're called zhu-tong fan, it's rice stuffed into a bamboo stick, and steamed to eat! Here is my mom demonstrating:

They have a lot of bamboo forests there, and the main kind of bamboo that grows on that mountain is called "Meng-zhong zhu" or Bamboo from a dream. Because there was a legend that there was a son whose mother really liked eating bamboo shoots, and one night he dreamed that she was very sick. And he found that his mother really was sick she wanted to eat bamboo shoots. But it was winter time, so none were growing. So the son cried and then the bamboo grew! This type of bamboo is known for growing bamboo shoots in the winter time. (also the same type that make up the forest in Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon).

And one of the stops we made along our trails was to find a special type of bamboo called "Shi-fang zhu" or Four-sided bamboo; you might be able to read the sign at the bottom of the picture. You can't really tell from far away, but the bamboo is really four sided!! we felt it with our own hands!

Here's an upclose picture of a cross section:

Some other cool sights-
Here are some tree roots. What do you think it looks like? reminds me of Princess Mononoke...

This is a vegetable called "Fu-sou gua" or Holding-hands melon.

Another picture from sunset--

Yay Taiwan!! (me and Tiff)

I'm still in Taiwan!

2008-12-28T09:05:00.004-05:00

Some more pictures!
At the High Speed Rail Station (it's super fast!! goes 200+ miles per hour, and Taipei to Taichung in exactly 1 hour!) Here is a sign that was at the station, where cars pick up passengers:

Here is my dad, mom and uncle at a local Tainan restaurant-

After visiting my uncle in Tainan, we went to Ali-san, the most famous mountain in Taiwan! Here's a picture I took on the bus on the way up the mountain:

One of the famous points of Ali-san is the little train that was built to transport lumber from the top of the mountain. We took it to the top of the mountain! Here's a picture of the train:

There was a landslide along the mountain, and this is what it looks like now, does the shape resemble anything familiar?

Me hugging a tree that is 1000+ years old!

They had monkeys there!! hehehe, they were so cute. There were a bunch of them along the road~

Sunset at Ali-san. It's famous for being above the clouds, and when they're thick, it forms a cloud sea.

Merry Christmas from Taiwan!

2008-12-24T20:55:00.003-05:00

Hi from Taiwan!
Here are some pictures!

Of course at the market! I thought this was a good representation. SOO much food!

This is from walking downtown:

On the subway, so convienent!!

Now some pictures of food:
At a coffeeshop that we went to - this was Tiffany's cake:
A good day is expeched to begin!

We went to a pretty fancy Japanese restaurant with one of my dad's college friends.
This is fish with pumpkin sauce and pumpkin seeds, and that black thing was a cookie.

This is the biggest piece of shrimp i've ever seenn (and eaten!)

And lastly, just want to wish everyone a merry christmas! They don't really celebrate christmas here, but at every subway station they have these christmas themed blow up dolls, so I kept having Tiffany take a picture with them:

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

I'm in Taiwan!

2008-12-20T20:58:00.002-05:00

I will try to take some pictures and up load them when i can!
of delicious food (and other stuff too!)

Buenos Aires, day 4

2008-09-19T14:28:00.016-04:00

Monday: First, we went to La Boca to see a neighborhood of colorful houses called Caminito. It's a pretty big tourist attraction, so there are a bunch of vendors down (here there were a lot of paintings).

The houses are colorful because when there was a large immigration boom in Buenos Aires in the late 1800's a lot of Italians moved to this area, especially those from Genoa. They came from a city by a port, just as la Boca is along the coast of the Rio de la Plata as well. So they continued one of their traditions which was painting their houses with the left over paint from the shipyard. That's what makes the neighborhood so colorful. This town took it even further and they even started building entire homes out of materials from the shipyard!

Empenadas for lunch! Here is a true picture of what mine looked like :D Yumm! And the Pepsi from the glass bottle.

Ed & Julia

the t(h)eresas
Then we took a walk in the park, just playing around, posing with the statues~

And went to the Japanese garden (largest one outside of Japan!)

Then we headed down to the Rio de la Plata (finally!). You can see the city of Buenos Aires in the distance (right above my head). As a mentioned before it is the widest river or estuary (right where the river is about to meet the ocean) in the world - at least the part where the river meets Buenos Aires. Here's an image of it from wiki:

So even on a clear day you can't see uruguay, I think where Buenos Aires is, it's on the order of the width of lake erie (~ 40 miles wide)!

Then went for a little bit of shopping and dinner at Bar Milion (a resturant bar that was converted from a 3 story mansion). On our way to dinner we passed by the Obelisk, and took a moment to take some photos. What Ed will do for a good photo opportunity: (he had to lay/crouch on the ground in order to get the whole obelisk~)

Buenos Aires, day 3!

2008-09-19T14:28:00.007-04:00

On Sunday we went to the San Telmo Flea Market, which is especially famous for the antiques that they sell there and the street performers that gather. I mostly took pictures of the street performers instead of the market itself.

There was some really fun tango dancing at the market, this is a snap shot from a video I took.

I especially liked listening to the tango bands that were out there. Here is one of them. The play very traditional tango music, but I think its the right size ensemble that sounds really good. There was also a cellist, but for some reason he was sitting sort of away from everyone else, so I could't get him in the photo.

And then there was also -- Ed tried to describe what he had read about - that one of the street performers at the market is a guy who pretends like he's in a hurricane. Let yourself imagine what that might be like for a moment....

And this is what we ran into:

the change poses whenever you give them any money. And sometimes just on a whim to get more laughs.

After walking around the square we went to a nearby cafe for a late lunch. Julia ordered Mate, a special kind of tea that Argentinians like to drink in the afternoon. You put the Mate (the green leaves in the cup to the right) into the silver cup with the silver straw and soak it with some hot water. Then add some sugar and drink it through the special straw which has a filter at the bottom so you don't drink any of the leaves. When we were at the cafe, people kept leaning over to our table to teach Julia how to drink and prepare the Mate. :D

For dinner we went to el Mirasol, a really good restaurant (steak again!). The food all got devoured before I had a chance to take a picture. But this is all of us at the restuarant by the time the desert came out.

After dinner we went to las Canitas (the new place to go in Buenos Aires, though it was not too bustling on Sunday night). First, we walked around and found a little park in the middle of the street and indulged our inner child. Teresa especially enjoyed riding on this swinging oil drum :P She got Annie to get on with her - looks like fun, right?

After that we went to a bar where we ordered a bottle of wine and also a pitcher with fruit and sugar - sort of a makeshift sangria. Can you see the fruit in the wine? It was delicious :D, but we had a little bit of trouble getting to all the fruit, hehe:

Buenos Aires, day 2

2008-09-15T10:07:00.006-04:00

I'm a little behind on my posting, but I've got a few minutes now so i'll try to give some updates~ This was day 2 (Saturday).

The next morning I took a short walk around and then when everyone arrived, we had more empanadas for lunch! and then walked down to the recoleta cemetery.

Here's a picture of the cemetery. As I said before, no tombstones, just grandiose mausoleums. And also many stray cats, which was a bit eerie~

A picture of a musician performing in front of the cemetery courtyard.

At night we took a walk in the city, down Santa Fe Av. Teresa said it felt just like NYC. Here's us walking down the street. with Reese Witherspoon...

Here's something I saw in a store window. Future doctor!

At night walking down the 9 de Julio (the widest street in the world), I tried to snap a shot of the obelisk of Buenos Aires. You might barely be able to see it in the distance, but if not don't worry, I got some good shots of it today. Annie says it looks like I risk my life to get that picture!

For dinner, we went to this extremely fancy (probably too much so for us) restaurant for steak. Here's my huge skirt steak...

After dinner we went to Cafe Tortoni, the oldest cafe in the country. Founded in 1858 I believe. It used to be a big hot spot for famous tango dancers. Here are some pictures of the inside, and the last one is one of the outside. Ed and I shared a bottle of Malbec, a special wine of Argentina. Very good! A pretty light wine, and had a nice grape-y aftertaste. Yum!

A short update, on Sunday we went to the San Telmo Flea Market to see some crafts, antiques being sold as well as some cool street performers (traditional tango bands, tango dancers, and some other crazy stuff!). Went out to a really good restaurant (steak again!) and went out to a bar in Canitas (the new place to go in Buenos Aires, though it was not too bustling on Sunday night). On Monday (today) we went to La Boca to see a neighborhood of colorful houses, then grabbed lunch, went to the Japanese garden (largest one outside of Japan!) and to the Rio de la Plata (finally!) then went for a little bit of shopping and dinner at Bar Milion (a resturant bar that was converted from a 3 story mansion).

Okay, Buenos Noches!

Buenos Aires, day 1.5

2008-09-12T22:34:00.000-04:00

More pictures - my afternoon/evening. I decided to go for a walk around the city. What I wanted to do was find a good view of the river: Rio de la Plata. I overheard someone on the plane say that it is the widest river in the world, and you can't even see to the other side. In the case of Buenos Aires, the part of the river the city is on is nearly part of the ocean. I wanted to try to watch the sunset over the river, but I don't think i took the right path. Either way, even though I didn't make it to the massive Rio de la Plata, I saw some pretty cool sights along the way!

I walked down one of the main streets in the northwestern part of the city (I was following the sun!) called Av. del Libertador on which there are a series of small parks, each with its own set of monuments and statues, all in an old European style. The city is really a mix of new and old architecture - though I mostly took pictures of the old today.Church in front of the Recoleta Cemetery. Not a statue; if you can't quite see, its a white cloth and a donation box in front. she was in front of the church.Requiescant In Pace: The entrance to the Recoleta Cemetery. I got to it just as they were closing. To announce the closing, they rang a huge bell right behind those gates. The cemetery itself is quite breathtaking-- no tombstones here, it's filled with some of the grandest mausoleums I've ever seen. I only had a chance to get a glimpse, but I'm sure we'll be going back - the cemetery is only a few blocks from where we're staying."Francia a la Argentina" or "France to Argentina" - made by a French artist for Argentina. At the lower part of the monument are four allegoric figures representing science, industry, agriculture and the arts. At the top, two female figures holding hands represent France and Argentina who are guided by the centerpiece - the angel representing glory.

A glimpse of one of the many parks along Av. del Libertador, and around the city.
El Museo Nacional de Arte Decorativo. I don't really know anything about the museum, but I thought it was a gorgeous building, so I snapped a shot as I walked past.Another statue/monument inside one of the parks. A welcome place for birds as well!
Monumento a la Carta Magna y a las Cuarto Regiones Argentinas - at the center of a roundabout in the city. I waited for the light to change to try to get a good shot of it as I crossed this main street.
A pond in the park. There are paddle boats (on the left)
The planiterium of Galileo! It's officially night time, and I didn't make it to el Rio, but I think I will try again tomorrow, most probably during the day. Maybe during a morning run?
I was pretty tired after my trek across the city, so I took a cab back to the apartment, then went to a restuarant called Cumana that's supposed to have pretty good native Argentinian food.

Dining alone in a foreign country - it was a bit of an unsettling experience, since I had a hard time communicating. First I had a hard time putting my name down on the reservation list - just telling the hostess that I wanted a table for one wasn't too much of a problem, but once she started to explain how long I would have to wait and related topics, I really had no idea what she was saying. My confused look prompted her to ask "en ingles?" to which I gratefully responded "si!" - and that is how I got my table :P. Then, when I tried to order, two servers came to me in succession - after I had ordered my meal from the first, the second came, and I was completely at a loss at how to explain to her that I had already ordered. I tried english to no avail. Instead she kept trying to get me to order my food. Finally, and then the first server came over and they cleared it up. Last mix up - I wanted to order one more empenada (one with pumpkin- I had just looked this word up in my dictionary since it was on the menu, so I think my pronouciation was very off). When trying to repeat my order, I ended up with TWO empenadas, of TWO different fillings! I don't even know the name of the surprise one, but it still was tasty!

mmm... my meal! I only pulled out my camera after I had already finished my meal, but I had a series of good empenadas, the best one had a mixture of pumpkin, sweet corn and cheese. My bottled water was all that was left, but this is what the empenadas looked like before I ate them (a picture i pulled off the web).

okay okay, off to bed! Tomorrow I most probably won't post so many pictures, since there will be other people around so I won't sit at the computer all the time. Buenos noches~

Buenos Aires, day 1

2008-09-12T15:07:00.001-04:00

So I wanted to share some photos of my trip to Buenos Aires while I'm here.
Thinking about keeping a photo blog certainly motivated me to take more pictures than I normally would have. The trip getting here was long, but not as bad as I thought it would be. The 10 hour flight to Argentina was actually fairly pleasant, largely b/c the plane was pretty empty, so I got to spread out on two seats and (since i'm short) lay down to sleep. I got at least a solid 6 hours, almost as good as my own bed!

Here's my plane in Atlanta, about to take off to Argentina!

About 9 hours later.... I woke up in time for breakfast and a rising sun over Argentina. (those are clouds, not snow.) I think this might be my first time in the Southern Hemisphere. I think one of the things that I was most apprehensive about was being alone in this city without really knowing the language. It certainly was awkward at first. I tried to study a few phrases in preparation, but it's amazing how easily my mind blanked when i needed to say something. In any case, I made it around the city to take a few pictures of San Martin Plaza. I had some time to kill before checking into the hotel, so I sat around the plaza/park and read for a while. First I sat under the Torres Monument to eat some snacks, reorganize my luggage and watch a few little kids chase pigeons next to the tower. When I was looking at a map, I was approached by a young man who was wearing a green vest and worked for El Ministerio de Salud Argentina (ministry of health), who asked for a donation to support children with AIDS, and I decided why not? It was nice watching him help other tourists around the square- offering directions (as he did for me) and taking pictures for people in front of the equestrian monument. Here are a the monuments from the plaza:

Top: Monument of General Jose de San Martin; Below: Torres Monument
Now that I've finally made it to the very nice apartment, I think I'll take a leisurely walk around the city, (without my luggage!)
Adios!

Misc photos

2008-09-12T14:33:00.000-04:00

Which i d/led from my new camera.
Just a few things around the apartment:Some flowers I bought for the apartment/myself from the farmer's market. It was really nice to have fresh flowers around. and just vibrant oranges in general.

Puck the pet chinchilla! we've had him for a few months now, but he hasn't really had any photo shoots yet. This is him hiding under one of our dining table chairs.

Unexpected lessons

2007-02-20T20:19:00.001-05:00

Circle K was supposed to go to Harvard Soup Kitchen today, but all the rest of the people who signed up couldn't make it. So I went on my own, though I was tempted to skip out.

There's this guy there who likes to talk a lot named "L" or El? who knows. Last time I went I was brooding a lot about ideas like death, depression and pain. He kept on saying to everyone, you should enjoy life! Be happy! And asking me whether or not I'm happy and I enjoy life. He made some references to God, but since the soup kitchen is run by a UU church, I wasn't sure what sort of doctrine he might believe, and whether to take in what he said or not. But when I left, I realized, no matter who he was, what he believed, God had used him to speak to me- to say, be active in pursuing joy and happiness.

Today he was sitting across from a guy named Mario, who didn't really say much. El and I talked about stuff like why killing animals is okay, but having sex before marriage isn't, and Mario just listened. Mario is part Cherokee, and El decided to ask him a question he asked me last time: "What's your view on life? Why do you think we're here?" I thought the question kind of put this guy Mario, who doesn't talk much in the first place, on the spot. But Mario said: "Well my view is different from most people. I try to see people the way the Great Spirit (from his Cherokee heritage) sees them, not the way other people/the world sees them."

And I asked him to elaborate on what the difference was. And he said the difference is that we are not images, we are reflections. I had no idea what he meant by that, and El started going on this rant on how deep it was! I don't think he got what Mario was trying to say. But El was saying that the difference between an image and a reflection was basically that if you raise your right hand, your image will also raise its right hand, but your reflection will raise its left hand. And then I asked Mario- is that what you mean? To my surprise, he said yes.

And then he said "When God looks at us, he sees Himself."

That really hit me. That really is a different way to look at people. I mean, isn't that how we learn to love and respect other people. When we see parts of ourselves in them, and know that we are not so different after all. And more importantly, that we see reflections of something divine, something eternal, echoes of something perfect and good in there; somehow a reflection of God.

I still don't know how much I'm ready to let go and take in everything these people have to say. Part of me is just prejudiced- what do these poor/homeless/uneducated people have to say to me? You know, there are people who you listen to, but you never let it soak in enough to affect you because you're a little weary. And there are the people who you respect, and when they stay stuff, you listen - and you let it permeate and change you.

What is a Man of God?

2007-02-10T18:38:00.000-05:00

We may never understand your penchant for throwing oranges at each other,
Why you always pick on the little ones,
Why what is so appealing about wrestling,
Or why bodily function jokes are so funny.
We may call you "boys" or "guys" or "those weirdos..."
But we know you are true men, after God's own heart.

The world may tell you that "boys don't cry,"
But real men are deep with humility, feelings and wounds.
We are touched and blessed that you have shared those with us.
You make us laugh at ourselves and despite ourselves,
And we wish we had your easy ability to make a fool of yourself for the joy of others.
But beyond the laughter and games we see
Your integrity, your desire for purity, and your concern for us.
Thank you for everything, for being there for us,
Even when we are needy, moody and irrational,
Men like you are not easy to find, so we are so grateful you are a part of our lives.

May you grow more and more like the ultimate man, Jesus,
Who bellowed in righteous anger against injustice,
Who saw the pain of others and sought to heal them,
And who stood firm in the face of ridicule, temptation and death to save the ones He loved.

First post

2007-02-05T02:00:00.000-05:00

I wanted to find a cool name for my blog. You know, something that encompasses who I am in some sort of random image (like? GroggyLlama, MismatchedSocks, LegalAlien, SmellyCat), or some appropriate SAT word (quandary, phantasmagoria, verisimilitude, apothegm) that makes you seem very deep and well versed.

I clearly couldn't think of anything clever. And then I thought maybe I could get tguo in my domain name, but no such luck. I have my own reasons for starting to write a new blog, but hopefully I'll be posting soon.