bubble

currently listening to: only you by david crowder band

i know i live in a bubble. that i've been blessed in every way possible to be living in this bubble.
but there are just moments in life that remind me life isn't all fine and dandy, butterflies and rainbows.

this week:
1) just hearing more and more on haiti. i used to hate reading the newspaper/watching the news. sometimes i still do. Just more and more stories of brokenness in the world, things like haiti, things like economic hardship, but also so much of people hurting other people. In the depths of it all its just hard to see hope.

2) this past weekend when i went to PY's for church poker night. when i walked out of the metro i'm just standing on the escalator and then the lady in front of me says "that's no good." i look up and i see a young black guy vomit up blood onto the rail of a nearby escalator. two more are handcuffed on the ground. police and sirens everywhere. i had no idea what happened, but i passed some people on the street that mentioned some gunshots? i was pretty freaked out and just wanted to get out of there as fast as possible; this is definitely not what i expected at 7pm at gallery place. this was a pretty jarring experience for me, but for someone else it's just life. during all of this, my mp3 player was playing praan, a song from the where the hell is matt video (if you haven't seen it, i'd recommend it. a guy named matt goes and dances around the world, 42 different countries. that somehow invokes a feeling of common unity in human joy, that maybe there is hope for the world.) it just felt like an ironically sad moment straight out of a movie- as if to say, we still have a very very long way to go.

chameleon

i've just be realizing lately that i feel a lot like a chameleon. that i see myself tailoring my words and attitudes to whoever i'm talking to. because i think you'll agree more, laugh more, and of course like me more. but blehhh.... i really don't like it.

recent baking adventures

So I've been trying my hand at baking ever since moving to DC. I think having people to bake for, who want to eat my experiments helps. haha, i.e. small group mostly :P Here's a few of the things I've made recently:

Pecan pie, of course. Made it for christmas, as part of a "gift" for my dad. I don't know what it

is about pecan pie, but its sooo good. I think i've made at least 4-5 in the past few months for multiple thanksgiving and christmas occasions. haha, i'd say i'm perfecting it, but somehow it

comes out a little bit different every time.

Lime custard tart. I don't remember why i wanted to try this. But it turned out really good. Tiffany and I made it, also during Christmas, but

for my dad's birthday (12/28). I think my mom liked it the most! because she loves tart/tangy flavors. But yes, it was really good. I would definitely make it again. Thank you epicurious!

(http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Lime-Custard-Tart-107435)

Christmas cookies! Of course we had to make them. We had a few creative ones going-- like

state of maryland, taiwan, treasure chest (or house), snake, creepy smiley face... they were all delicious. Man i ate so many cookies over christmas.... This shot features tiffany's super asian/cute happy face. yay.

some of my recent experiments for small group:

Yes this is exactly what it appears to be-- chocolate covered bacon.

It turned out... interesting, is the only word i could used to describe it. I think i overcooked the bacon; though my personal preference is for chewy rather than crispy bacon. It was sweet and salty. I'm not dying to eat it again, but it turned out a lot prettier than i thought. I'd like to give it another shot someday, tweak the recipe a little. I think it has the potential to be pretty mindblowing...

And last but not least, my most recent baking endeavor-- red velvet cake balls! (Inspired by: http://www.bakerella.com/red-velvet-cake-balls/)

So I have eaten these before. I don't remember where, or when. But I remember being with JK, and being soo surprised at how moist they were on the inside. So when I ran across this baking blog recently with the recipe so I had to try it!!

First a before pictures, the balls are neatly in a row, before being dipped in the messy chocolate!

and the finished product:

yum. (yes i did purposely take a bite just to take that picture...)

p.s. had an amazing weekend in killington over MLK weekend-- Sunday morning, there was just a breathtaking view from the peak of the mountain-- of just this ocean of clouds below us. For that moment alone, it was worth the trip. But besides that, we had a blast~ :D

me-world

currently listening to: revive me by jeremy camp
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things i've lost in the past two days
one glove
a key ring with my giant bonus card, borders reward card, library card, etc.
a bible
my journal
my patience
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yesterday's sermon addressed the idea of "me-world." that somehow in our culture, in our language, our attitudes, we've come to believe that the world revolves around us. That we have come to believe that the solutions to our problems are all in the self-- self knowledge, self-esteem, self expression. It is these things that will save us.
Paul says: "For me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain." (Philippians 1:21)
In me-world, we say: "To live is me, and to die is the worst thing that can possibly happen." (death = the end of me)

the speaker made a reference to descartes I really liked-- he said (loose paraphrase), even descartes knew: "I am not the center/creator of the universe; I am not my own god. For if I were, then I would have constructed a world which was perfect for me. But, clearly this is not true." just to say, seriously, who do we think we are? even though I may think: "i'm not dumb, I know that I'm not God"-- but I still act like I am. I still act as if I can fix all my problems on my own; I still act as if I have control over what happens; I still act as if what I want is of infinite importance. I was just struck by how easy it is to fall into "me-world," even if I'm completely aware of God. It's not something you remind yourself once a year when a nice sermon comes along. you've got to be fighting that tendency every single day.

for whatever reason, life has just been really stressful lately. and today i finally couldn't really handle it. all these little things that shouldn't have mattered, just started to get me really upset. I knew that losing a glove, losing a bible- it was not a big issue, but it was so annoying to have lost them (i'm still in denial about the journal...). then people were late; then things didn't go my way; then someone was annoyed at me. I just felt myself sinking into me-world. I knew it was happening, but I still couldn't stop it. all i can say now is, God-- once again, save me from myself.

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**addendum (1/13): link to the sermon here! (right click "save link as" to download mp3)
+ bible and journal found!!!

list for my man

Today at lunch we talked about the lists we make in our head about what we want in our future spouse (among many other things...). I've generally been of the camp of, when I see it I'll know. A list isn't really gonna help or change that. I think I can pinpoint much more clearly what I don't want, rather than what I do. But someone recently told me-- I think God wants us to think about who we are, what we're looking for, who is good for us. To be an active part of our own lives, even if God is in control of the ultimate plan.

One comment came out-- that you may have a nice long list of things you're looking for when you're younger, but as you get older, that list shrinks down. that kind of statement makes me begin to wonder, does that mean the older we get, the wiser we are? Or we just learn to settle with less than we had hoped for. i dunno, I hope that as I get older my list won't shrink, it'll change : maybe we lose the specificity of our attraction and find the root of that desire, for example-- its not that he's an amazing guitarist, its that he has the initiative, the dedication, and the ear to become one. And of course, I'm still really young, and very likely just being incredibly naive. :P
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not sure how feel about publishing my list, but here's all i could think of for now.

i want someone who is at least or more intelligent than I. is this judgmental/superficial? i do "size people up" on how intelligent i think they are, its just something i do. not to say that I filter friends that way, but i just like to find really smart people to respect; and you respect other people for other things too. i know i'm attracted to smart people, just based on my favorite movie characters who were all too smart for their own good - donnie darko, juno, house.

i like people who put a lot of thought into what they do. that there is purpose or thought put into everything that they do and say; i.e. if you're going to do something, do it well. i must say, i especially like when men are amazing cooks. well planned out events. attention to detail. clever/witty jokes. i tend to like guys who think a lot, sometimes too much.

i've always been attracted to men who are opinionated. When I first realized that, I thought- isn't that weird, since I'm totally the total opposite? But a friend responded by saying, I don't think that's true-- you may not be as vocal about it, but you know what you think. So maybe someone who will help me find the courage to have my own voice.

i want someone who sees complexity in the world. too often, i hear people trying to simplify the world, categorize people, polarize right and wrong, wrap the world into a neat well-worded adages and straightforward answers. i want someone who will be able to stand with me and simply marvel at everything we can't possibly understand.

In some ways I feel like a little child, just asking for everything I want without much regard to much else. But a lot of these things, I can't imagine letting go of; not having in my future husband. I like what DC told me: if it's good, God will purify and give it back to you. God, you tell me what'll still stay standing.

new years resolutions

1. read more books. i miss them. maybe 1/month? haha, pretty much anything will be more than i'm reading now.

2. restart my blog.

3. run 10 miles in sub 1:15.

i can't think of anymore.