balance

i think this commercial is pretty awesome
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ubuQ_M5xpio&NR=1
just wanted to share.

article from wayne
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/08/health/08chen.html?_r=2&partner=rss&emc=rss&pagewanted=all
i always worry a lot about how i'm ever going to balance my work and personal life in the future. like i wonder if because i'm a woman who wants a family i'll have to sacrifice/compromise things career wise that will make me feel short changed. i mean i think i would be totally satisfied with not being the most successful person ever, and being a good mother instead. at heart i'm not really that much of an ambitious person. but i think i just don't like the idea of settling - like getting an easier job so that i can be a mom.

i like this too: "I don’t get quite as annoyed by the toys and dirty socks in the living room when I see my healthy children."
sometimes forget to just be really thankful.

searching

I think there are some nights (yes usually nights) where I feel a striking sense of insignificance. That perhaps in the long (and maybe even short) run what I say, do, feel, am ... doesn't really matter. I think in these moments I'm constantly looking for affirmation.

I remember a time when I knew what I did mattered. When I felt like my gifts were being used for the betterment of others. When I could watch people grow in small group, think deeper about God, make challenging decisions because of the things I said. Maybe that's still happening here. I just don't know. I guess maybe sometimes I just want to know - that the efforts that I make, the things that I say really do matter. I mean sometimes I think I know - but I can always convince myself otherwise until I hear it from someone.

Somehow my solution to this feeling has always been one of avoidance - like watching TV. to lose myself in a world where i really can't make any impact at all, but somehow that doesn't matter.

!!

look!
julia's album art!

"the hardest thing is remembering, regardless of anything and everything, that yes, we are still and always worth something in God's eyes. that whatever it is we're searching for, we already have; we are already deeply loved."