I realized once again, I don't like trying to make new friends. Starting the whole process again since moving here and going to a new church, I feel constantly nervous and self-conscious and can't shake the need to try to impress, i.e. very insecure. It's not that I don't enjoy meeting and getting to know new people, but I just thought I would have outgrown all these feelings by now.
I was talking to a friend about it all. And he was saying how he feels like his ego often gets in the way of allowing him to get to know people. Those snap judgments you make about people when you meet them that suddenly categorizes them into people you want to get to know and people you don't. As much as I don't like to admit it, I do it all the time; I tend to size people up the moment I meet them. I know part of my nervousness/insecurity comes from imagining that other people are as judgmental as me; I'm grateful that many of my friends have proved me wrong on that point. After admitting our judgmental-ness to each other, my friend exclaims: "apparently we passed each others' filters!" haha. true. But now that we're good friends, he pointed out the incredible paradox of it all -- despite all this nonsense, somewhere along the line our friendship has acquired an unconditional quality. He basically said, whatever you do now- i'd still accept you as a friend. Somewhere along the way, those filters ceased to matter?
